Birth to come

As I approach the birth of my baby girl, I have so many thoughts going through my head.  The stress that has been my recent house experience has overwhelmed me for a couple of weeks now.  I know I have to change my focus back to this birth- it will only happen once,  and we will get our house fixed.  

I worry that I haven't eaten well enough or exercised enough or whatever enough.  Have I really prepared to have the birth experience I want for me and baby girl enough?  Hard to tell.  On the other hand, as they say women in comas have given birth- it will happen whether or not I am prepared "enough," right?  

I am so anxious to meet her, yet I feel a sense of something else.  I almost don't want pregnancy to be over.  I am certain that this will be my last time, and I feel like it's a little bit of a loss.  Pregnancy and nursing have become such a part of my identity.  Almost every one of my friends and I are connected through pregnancy, birth, and children.  I know that pregnancy and birth are just the beginning of the journey, but knowing it's my last beginning makes me want to hold onto and savor it a bit. 

 I expect if baby girl wants to, I'll let her nurse indefinitely.  It was really hard, emotionally, to let go of it with Elias.   These are precious things that belong only to us (women).   They come with their hardships, trials and tribulations, but motherhood is such a precious part of the female experience that every part of it could/ should be savored and revered ( rather than the unfortunate dread that some associate it with).  

I am not as nervous as  the first time, or the second, but I am facing the rapidly approaching birth experience with a little nervousness.  You never really know till you get there what it's going to be like.  It's was always like the on the 1st day of school for me, too, can't wait to get there, but wondering if I am going to make it there.    I want so much from this experience.  I need to remember to just let it happen and know that it is going to be the experience it needs to be, whether that fits my dream profile or not.