A young man

Jacob was fitted for a tuxedo for Maggie's wedding yesterday. As I watched him get dressed, it occurred to me how much he looks like a young man and no longer like a child. It brought bitter sweet tears to my eyes. He is in that stage where he sometimes acts like a child and other times he acts like a man. In that moment, standing there in a suit and dress shoes, his childishness was not visible. Later I noticed that the hair on his upper lip is dark and getting thicker, and I truly realized that things are changing. He is not a baby, and I need to work on accepting that. He resists my authority because he is trying to establish his own.
It's hard, as a mother, to watch this change. It's hard to watch him pine over girls. It's hard to watch him make mistakes, and remember that my place, especially now, is to guide him at his discretion rather than my own. Of course I need to step in on big things that are dangerous to his health or future, but otherwise, it appears to be time to take another step back and allow him get to know the world on his own terms. (This isn’t the 1st step back, the need seems to occur at every stage in one way or another). I feel like I am losing him just a little more to himself. Maybe that sounds strange, but if you’re a mom- you get it. On the other hand it’s fascinating to watch him become a man, and there are days that he really makes me proud to be his mother.