Night terrors

Last night the baby woke me with the most frightening sound I've ever heard. It was not the 1st time I heard this sound from his mouth, but it has never been surpassed on the "holy crap" scale. After his surgery in April he had several episodes like this. At the sound of his blood curdling scream, I would move from a dead sleep to a state of heart racing, breathless fright. He sleeps next to me, so I had him in my arms before I was even aware of what was going on. There have been a handful of episodes since April.

After it happened last night, we were all up for a while, and I was thinking about my discussion with the doctor after the surgery about these incidents. I generally liked this woman, but her response to this concern was not to my liking. She said she didn't know what to tell me, but other doctors that her previous patients had consulted said it must be handled carefully, if one didn't use the right response they might end up with their baby habitually sleeping with you ( and that would be terrible). Basically she was implying that it might be appropriate to ignore these episodes, not run into the babies room to make sure that nothing was wrong, and pull them in as tight as possible ( all those things that a momma gut tells you to do).

Last night, while recovering from my panic, I was picturing a terrified baby in one room and his terrified mother in the other room, trying to ignore the baby's screams because the doctor said so. It made my stomach curl. That momma gets to feel guilty either way. If she follows doctors orders, her gut will be screaming inside " go rescue your baby" and she will feel a deep since of pain over it. I am sure of this because it is the most primal instinct, and not a single thought that moves me to Elias when he screams out. The conflict between the cognitive social direction and the gut are hard to reconcile for some momma's. If that momma does not follow the doctors orders and goes to her baby like her gut tells her to, she will feel guilt at doing the "wrong thing" for her baby. (that is, of course, assuming that she believes doctors know something and is afraid that the directions given to her might be right.) It just made me sad to think of other families struggling with this extra strain. It is stressful enough to deal with this terrifying event!!